When you take the right risks, you get rewarded

Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash

 

I’ve never thought of myself as much of a risk-taker. But looking back, it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that I have taken chances in my life – I just didn’t see them as very ‘risky’.

When I was in middle school, I used to collect lead metal figurines of the Dungeons and Dragons fantasy variety (although they were actually made by a British company called Games Workshop) and paint them in my room, by myself. This was a pretty nerdy thing to do at the time, but it kept me out of trouble and I was totally into it. By doing this, I was taking the risk of being seen as terminally uncool, and losing whatever credibility I had built up among my friends. 

But that’s not what happened at all. To my surprise, I actually made new friends who also took up painting fantasy figures as a hobby. My social circle expanded. I gained more credibility among my peers, not less. My mindset had a lot to do with it – it was my hobby and I pursued it diligently and wholeheartedly, with no ulterior motives behind it. It wasn’t anything I would have considered to be a risk. It was just what I happened to be interested in.

Moving to London after graduating from university also wasn’t a risk – just as attending University in London wasn’t either. I knew that the real risk was in staying in my dull, boring hometown, not seeing my university friends and having less options for employment and entertainment around me. No thanks! Of course, living and working in the capital of the UK would only expand my horizons, bring me into contact with more people and more opportunities (and as it happens, change the course of my entire life). It was a complete no-brainer. 

But of course, it was risky. There was a chance it wouldn’t work out, I might feel too homesick, I might not be able to get a job etc etc. I just didn’t care about any of that. It didn’t enter my thinking.

Growing my hair out was another youthful choice that didn’t feel high-risk. (Admittedly, I was a lot younger, and had a lot more hair to work with!) My hair had always been very thick, coarse and difficult to style, and I was just sick of struggling with it. Plus, I was into hard rock and metal bands and so many of the members had long hair – it just felt natural to me to lean into my passion and emulate my heroes. 

I had no idea whether having long hair would suit me or not – again, I didn’t consider any negative aspects. As it happened, I don’t think it was a good look for me. But ironically, it may have played a huge part in attracting my future wife – another sliding doors moment.

Meeting her eventually led to me moving to South Korea and having 3 wonderful kids together. And yes, moving halfway around the world was another risk that didn’t seem particularly dangerous (although it helped that I was somewhat tired of London by that point). It just seemed like a fun adventure that I was going on.

So, what’s my point in sharing all these details of my life with you? It’s simply to point out that when you do something risky, that has some potential to go horribly wrong- if you do it with an open heart and a curious mind, it’s far more likely to turn out well. 

To a lot of people, taking up a ‘strange’ hobby, drastically altering your physical appearance, moving to a foreign country, marrying a foreign spouse, all these things are quite big life decisions, with huge potential downsides. Somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I was well aware of all this- I knew perfectly well that my choices could backfire spectacularly on me. But I was still fully committed. If things went south, I would handle it. I had enough trust in myself that whatever happened, I would be ok. It would all work out for the best. And for the most part, it has.

Ok, so my risks weren’t crazy, they were calculated to an extent. I didn’t get face tattoos, or take up lawnmower racing (could be fun?), or move to sub-Saharan Africa with no job or money. But in every case, I decided to go with my gut, and face whatever life gave me in return. And what life had to give back wasn’t too bad at all.

Are you contemplating a big decision in your life right now? If you think about it, many things we take for granted are risky. Crossing the road is a risk. Driving your car (or motorbike) to work could be a bit chancy, depending where in the world you live. We take so many risks in our daily lives that seem normal. It’s just a matter of how we frame them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should dive in head first and to hell with the consequences. It’s always a good idea to take calculated risks. But when you can see that any potential upside is so much better than the possible downside, why not roll the dice?

Jeff Bezos said that he knew wasn’t going to regret participating in “this thing called the Internet”. If he failed at it, he wasn’t going to regret failing. 

What he would regret was never having tried at all.

There’s also the great quote (one among many) from Mark Twain –

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

We build up fears in our minds and they can paralyze us into staying in our comfort zone. To trust life, to have faith that all will work out as it’s meant to- this requires courage. But as Twain also says –

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

It’s ok to be afraid. But if you never take the risk, you’ll never know might have been.

It’s also crucial to have the right attitude. I know my ‘risks’ were far more likely to be successful because I didn’t doubt my decision-making. I had confidence in my ability to deal with the consequences.

How do we get that confidence, where we just know we will handle things, however they turn out?

Here, Stoic philosophy can be of great help. One of its central tenets is that there are things within our control, and there are things outside our control. Everything that is outside of our control, is absolutely fine. We shouldn’t worry about it, because we can’t do anything about it. We only need to care about the things we can control, which are our thoughts and actions. Nothing else matters. We control what we think, and what we can do. And that’s it. It’s so simple, and yet so difficult too. What about other people judging our decision negatively? What will they think of us? Well, as we’ve seen, we can’t do anything about that. Why should it torment us? We can’t control what others think anyway, but we can control our reaction to it. 

I appreciate that this is an easy thing to write, but a little tougher to put into practice. I certainly still struggle with it. But the point is to keep trying, just keep at it. Gradually, we’ll get better.

Every experience we have in our lives is a growth experience – we can take something valuable from anything that happens. At the very least, you will learn more about yourself for having made the choice and moved forward. You might learn that you’re capable of more than you thought you were. Wouldn’t that be great?

If life’s taught me anything, it’s that when we find the confidence and courage to take the right risks, with honesty, curiosity, and even a sense of playfulness, we are usually rewarded.

If you don’t take the plunge, you might regret it all your life.

If you do, who knows where it might take you?

How your future self can help you get unstuck

 

When we feel stuck in life, whether in general, or perhaps in a particular situation like our career or our relationships, it can be really hard to see a clear pathway out.

We’ve all been there – maybe we’re struggling to keep a New Year’s Resolution, or trying to stop a bad habit for the umpteenth time.

It’s very easy for our own minds to act against us, to block clear thinking – by constantly dwelling on the issue, and how it’s preventing us from moving forward, the injustice of it, the unfairness of it; whatever it may be.

What if we could somehow jump forward in time and consult with our future self, who has managed to solve the problem?

They would be able to give us valuable advice that we can’t see right now.

They are us, so we can trust that they want to help us and get us out of the rut.

If you could have a conversation with your future self about your situation, what do you think they would say?

This is a good thought experiment, not only for brainstorming solutions, but also to practice the saying “Be your own best friend.”

After all, life is challenging enough as it is, without you beating yourself up whenever you make a mistake.

Of course, your future self wants the best for you. They would treat you as your best friend would.

So, back to our imaginary conversation with our future self – what advice might they give to us?

Just try writing out what they would say – be open to whatever emerges. You might be surprised at what comes out.

I tried this yesterday and I found that it was quite easy to produce what my future self might say.

The reason is that deep down, I already knew what I should be doing, and this experiment just gave me the opportunity to voice it. But until I did this exercise, I had been feeling quite stuck and unsure of the next actions to take.

My sense is that doing this technique gives your subconscious the ‘permission’ to reveal the deeper knowledge and intuition you feel in your gut about your circumstances.

I understand that this process might be tough for many people.

If you find this difficult, first try imagining your future self fully.

What kind of person are they? How do they think about things? How would they see your current problem? What solutions would they come up with? What viewpoint would they have?

If it helps, you could think of them as a ‘higher’ or ‘better’ version of you.

Then have the conversation with them. You could imagine it in your mind, or type it out, however you want to go through it.

I suspect that, more often than not, by doing this you would be able to see the solutions to get you out of your current predicament.

You might not like them. And they might not be easy.

But if we’re totally honest with ourselves (and why would your future self try to deceive you?), a lot of the time we already know deep down what we need to do and what actions to take.

Our minds find it easy to suppress these thoughts because we might perceive the solutions to be negative or detrimental to us in some way.

I like to remember one of my favourite quotes from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus:

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

The way out of our situation may seem negative, but that is only our judgment of it.

We have the power to change how we react to anything.

What if you tried to look at your situation from another perspective? It might give you new insights, and therefore new possibilities to consider.

Try having a conversation with your future self.

You never know, maybe they can help you see the way forward :)